"PERHAPS A LAUGH OR TWO"

If you would like to submit an accountant or tax joke, please send an e-mail to Bill Durgin

Thanks to Two Fun Guys and an Accountant and their contributors for these jokes.

Three accountants walk into a bar, and each orders a beer. They raise their glasses and make a toast: "Here's to 59!" After downing their beers, they order another round and make the same toast: "Here's to 59!"

This happens again and again. Finally, the bartender asks the accountants what the significance of the toast is. "Well," said one of them, "we put a 1,000-piece JigSaw Puzzle together in just 59 days!"

"And that's a big deal?" asked the barkeep.

"You bet," said the same accountant, "the box said 4 to 8 YEARS!!!"

I couldn't resist the following lawyer joke.

The lawyer dies, and somehow (s)he goes to heaven. As the attorney passes through the pearly gates, a crowd is waiting and cheering.

The lawyer is amazed at the reception, and sees St. Peter in front of the crowd. "A special day!" St. Peter proclaims, "It's not every day that we get the opportunity to welcome someone here who has lived for a hundred and forty-five years!"

Uh, a hundred and forty-five?", the lawyer muses aloud. "But, I was only fifty nine years old when I passed away."

St. Peter looks concerned. "What's the meaning of this!" he exclaims. "Summon the Holy Accountant at once!"

Very soon a nebbish looking angel appears, peering through bi-focals and franticly flipping the pages of a very large ledger book.

"I don't understand where I could have made a mistake," the Holy Accountant says, "I added up his billable hours ..."

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant

"Watch and you'll see,"answers an engineer.

They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, ?Ticket, please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket" says one perplexed accountant."Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

When they board the train, the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket,please."

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile. Thank God, returned Mr. Carr. I thought you were going to want cash.

  • Income Tax Examiner: Mrs. Fredericks, what's your husband's average income?
  • Mrs. Fredericks:Oh, about midnight.

    Gary Frisch looked at his income tax return and sighed. Y'know something, Elly, he said to his wife,if Patrick Henry hated taxation without representation, he should be here today to see how lousy it is WITH representation.

    If you would like to submit an accountant or tax joke, please send an e-mail to Bill Durgin

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